


The Fury of Words

by jgjbanker



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:48:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29940567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jgjbanker/pseuds/jgjbanker
Summary: As Brett and Casey tiptoe around their friendship and feelings for each other, will letting a half statement be heard put an end to any hopes for them?
Relationships: Sylvie Brett/Matthew Casey
Comments: 127
Kudos: 151





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to Chapter 1 of my new fanfic! I will warn you, this one will be a little bit darker than my normal ones, with a lot more time spent delving into each Brett and Casey's thoughts and feelings than before. Would appreciate all of you letting me know what you think.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

As Kidd drove 81 back to the firehouse from their last call, Casey sat in his front seat as the morning light shined into his eyes. He knew he needed to control his temper, but he was failing miserably at it. So, instead of controlling his temper, he sat there stewing over the last call in silence.

“You okay Captain?” Kidd asked as she steered the massive vehicle around a curve.

Casey had his jaw clinched so tight, when he nodded the muscles in his cheeks flinched. Understanding Kidd would know better than to ask a follow up question, he turned to look out the window. As she pulled into the firehouse a few minutes later, Casey was the first to jump out, slamming his door shut a LOT harder than he needed to. As Gallo was about to jump out of the firetruck, Mouch put his hand on the younger man’s shoulder, simply shaking his head as he mouthed “no”.

After Casey shucked off his turnout gear, he made a beeline for his office, trying to resist punching something along the way.

________________

A few minutes later, Squad’s vehicle pulled back into their parking space at 51. Severide hopped out, and started taking off his protective gear. It was only 10am, and he could already tell this was going to a shit day. It started when Hermann called in sick due to COVID protocols, and Kelly had a feeling the day had nowhere to go but down.

Moving into the building, Severide headed towards his quarters, not surprised to find that Casey had his office door closed as he paced around inside the tight space.

________________

About 5 minutes later, 51 pulled back into the firehouse. As Lieutenant Greg Grainger climbed down from the rig, he wondered why everyone was being so quiet. On the date he and Sylvie had gone on, she had told him over and over again how much of a family everyone at 51 was, but he sure wasn’t feeling it. Outside of Sylvie and Boden, he felt nothing but icy stairs from everyone else today. Not that people were being mean to him. They were just…cordial to him, right before they went back to ignoring him.

_Oh well,_ he thought. _It’s only for one shift and then I will be back with my guys at 40._

_______________

As Wallace Boden paced around the Chicago Med parking lot, he felt a lot like he did when he was at home in his kitchen. Sometimes, you just knew if you didn’t watch a pot closely it was going to boil over onto the stove causing a huge mess. The kind of mess that Donna always would harp on him about. Thinking about how the shift had gone so far, he knew that the pot of Firehouse 51 was already boiling on high, and if he wasn’t careful, not only would things boil over but the whole freaking pot might explode.

Trying to think of ways to mitigate the storm he knew was coming, he thought of a few options, but in the end came up blank.

_Well,_ he thought. _It’s been a long time since we had a blowup at the house. Maybe this might end up being a good thing?_

___________________

Back at 51, everyone set quietly in the common room except for Severide and Casey, who were both in their quarters with the doors closed. The absence of Mackay and Brett was definitely noticeable, but it seemed the only one who was making any noise was their replacement officer, Grainger, as he moved around the kitchen looking for a snack.

Kidd shot Mouch a questioning look, to which he just shrugged her shoulders. They had all had shifts like this before. Shifts they knew were just going to drag on and on until either the shift mercifully ended, or something set off the dynamite that they all feared they were sitting on.

Standing up, Kidd moved back to Kelly’s quarters, knowing that if this day got any worse, at least she could spend some time with the man she loved while it happened.

______________

30 minutes later, Mackay drove 61 back into its assigned parking space, followed closely by Boden’s buggy as he brought Brett back. As they all got out of their vehicles, Boden turned to his PIC.

“I am glad you are okay Brett. You had all of us worried there for a few moments.”

“I am fine Chief.” Sylvie said, trying to hide the exasperation in her voice. “Just ready to get 61 back in service.”

Nodding, Boden headed to his office to do just that, when he passed through his common room. A room that was currently void of much sound at all. Taking the turn towards his office, his mind went back to his earlier thoughts.

_Yep, something is going to boil over today._

___________________

**_Two Hours Earlier_**

“Chief.” Grainger called out over the radio. “We need a paramedic to come in and stabilize a patient for us.”

Immediately, Brett stood up and looked at the burning house before looking at Boden. She would be lying if she said she didn’t feel some apprehension at going into a burning building after what happened last time, but she knew it was her job. When Boden nodded, she ran back to get geared up.

Inside the blaze, Severide turned towards Casey when Brett called over the radio that she was on her way. Seeing the fear showing on his friend’s face, Kelly put his hand on Casey’s shoulder.

“You take care of working this side of the house and I will go down and watch out for Brett.”

Nodding, Casey felt a weight lifted off of him at Severide’s suggestion. Trying not to think about Brett and Grainger for a moment, he turned to Kidd. “Okay, let’s get this side of the house cleared so we can push the water.”

___________________

Boden was surprised a few moments later when Grainger came out assisting another victim. Moving over quickly, he looked at the Lieutenant warily. “Where is Brett?”

After handing off the vic to Mackay, Grainger turned towards the Chief. “She is inside stabilizing the patient. Severide said he was on his way to her when I headed out.”

Fuming, Boden did his best to hide his emotions from his substitute officer. “Brett, report!” he said forcefully over the radio.

After a few moments, he heard his PIC come over the radio. “I am okay Chief. Need a manpower assist to help me get this patient out.”

Greg was moving back towards the house when Boden grabbed his shoulder, shaking his head once. At that moment, he heard Severide come over the radio. “I am on my way to you Brett. Be there in 20 seconds.”

As Boden looked at the smoke billowing out of the house, he knew it was about time to get his people out.

__________________

Casey had just heard Brett on the radio when he turned to Kidd. “Is she in the house alone?” he asked incredulously. Shrugging, Stella was about to move forward when they heard Boden give the order to evacuate on the radio.

As she and Casey moved toward the exit, she could see the worry on Casey’s face. “She is going to be fine Captain. Severide will get her.”

They had just gotten onto the street when Casey took off his mask and looked at Boden.

“Everybody out Chief?”

Wallace had his hand resting on his radio, looking at the front door. “No. Still waiting on Severide and Brett.”

Hearing that, Casey went down to one knee and started to put his mask back on. “No Casey. You stay here. Copy?”

Debating on whether to say anything, Matt stood back up and prayed that Sylvie would be okay.

______________

A minute later, Brett and Severide were making there way to the front door, with Kelly carrying the woman over his shoulder as Brett followed. They had just turned the corner and were able to see daylight coming through the front door when the flooring above them gave way.

“Take cover.” Severide yelled.

As Brett dove towards the place where the floor met the wall, she thought back to the day Arnow fire. This didn’t feel like a repeat, but it wasn’t looking good right now.

Outside, Casey had already put his mask back on and was moving towards the front door, not even listening to what Boden was saying behind him. He had just entered the front door when he met Severide who was carrying his victim out.

“Where’s Sylvie?” Casey asked quickly.

Severide turned and looked back down the hallway. “She was right behind me in the hallway.”

Running inside, Casey turned on his flashlight, hoping it would make a dent in the smoke and dust that was all around him. “Sylvie, call out.” He yelled. He was about to yell again when he saw a blonde ponytail poking out of some broken drywall.

He was to her in a second, bending down to remove some of the debris rested on top of her. “Are you okay?” he asked.

Rolling onto her side after Casey removed the biggest piece of debris on her back, she looked up at him. “Yeah, I think so. Help me up.”

_Screw that,_ Matt thought. Instead, he put his arm under her knees and his other arm around her shoulder, picking her up easily and carrying her outside to 61. Luckily, Mackay was waiting there with an empty gurney, so Casey sat her down gently on that.

“Anything hurt?” Mackay asked her PIC.

Running through her own self examination in her own mind, Brett shook her head. “No, I don’t think so.”

Taking off his glove, Matt let his hand rest on her forehead, moving her hair up out of her eyes, trying to find where the blood on her face was coming from. “She has a cut on her head here.” Casey said, showing Mackay.

Going to work, Mackay started to clean the words when Casey made a call. “Let’s get you to Med and get checked out, just to be sure.”

As Mackay looked at Casey, she heard Brett speak up. “I am fine. I just…”

“That’s an order Brett.” Casey said firmly, his gaze turning to Mackay who nodded once, and pushed Brett’s gurney into the back of 61.

As Mackay was closing the back doors of the ambulance, Casey caught Sylvie’s gaze one last time. Unfortunately, he knew that look on Brett’s face.

_She is pissed._

_____________________


	2. Half Sentences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Casey confronts Grainger, Brett intercedes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Chapter 2! I hope you are enjoying the start of my new fic. As I have mentioned in some of the comments, this one is going to be much darker than my other works.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Casey was about to go see if Sylvie had gotten back from Med when he saw Grainger making his way back through the bunk room as he came back from the locker room. He knew confronting him was a bad idea, but he couldn’t stop himself. Opening his door, he stepped out into the hallway.

“What were you thinking out there Grainger?” He asked forcefully.

Looking back at the Captain, Grainger’s confusion showed on his face. “What are you talking about Casey?”

Letting the lack of using his title slide, Casey pressed on. “You know exactly what I am talking about. Why did you leave Sylvie in that house by herself? We never leave our paramedics…”

“Sylvie, huh?” Granger replied indignantly. “I wasn’t aware we called fellow CFD members by their first name?”

Knowing he was about to lose it on the man from 40, Casey took a step forward. “Don’t you dare tell me how to manage my people. You know you were wrong. You shouldn’t have left BRETT, or any other paramedic in an active call alone.”

Matching Casey’s stare, Grainger let a small smile appear. “Well, I will talk to SYLVIE about that tomorrow night on our date.”

That was all it took. Casey moved so close to Grainger he could have smelled his toothpaste if he wanted too. “You are out of line!”

“And you are unprofessional.” Granger practically yelled back, standing his ground to the Captain.

Knowing he was about 10 seconds from punching the younger man, Casey was surprised to hear Sylvie come barreling up to them.

“GREG,” she said, moving in between them. “You go to the apparatus floor and cool off.”

The Lieutenant was about to say something, but bit his tongue before he turned and headed towards the vehicles. Over his shoulder, Grainger saw Brett turn towards Casey. “And Casey, you go sit down in your office.”

__________________

For a moment, Casey tried to remember the last time he had heard Sylvie talk to him like this, and when he realized he hadn’t EVER heard her talk like that, he moved into his office. As soon as he got to his office chair, he was surprised to hear the door behind him close, with Sylvie standing inside his quarters.

“What the hell Matt?” she asked loudly.

“What?” He replied quickly, before finding his footing. “It was wrong to leave you in that house by yourself. God knows what could…”

“But nothing happened.” Sylvie said, breaking in. “And then when I tell you that I am fine, you ORDER me to go to Med to get checked out? You don’t give me orders, remember?”

“But…” Casey started before she cut him off again.

“Don’t but me Matt. Don’t you think for a second that I don’t know what this is REALLY about.”

_Fuck,_ Casey thought, knowing that she had seen through his façade and hit the nail square on the head. “Sylvie, I don’t need to be with you to care about you. And I damn sure don’t need to be with you to know that leaving you in that house alone was a mistake.”

For a second, Brett felt her anger begin to subside until Casey uttered the next few words.

“And Grainger of all people Sylvie? If I was with you I would never…”

“Stop right there!” Brett spat, finding her anger storming back in a fury. “You could have chosen me Matt, but no, you have to still be in love with Gabby…who left BOTH of us. So, I don’t want to hear you say one thing to me about who or what I am doing.” Pausing for a moment, Brett tried to push down the tears she knew were about to surface. “God…how did I ever let myself fall for a man like you…”

As soon as the words left her lips, she instantly regretted them. She saw the hurt cross Matt’s eyes before they turned cold. Colder than she had ever seen his beautiful blue eyes look. Immediately, she knew she needed to add the second part of her statement…the part about _a man like you who is still in love with someone else._ Before she could say it, she heard Matt say something first.

“Leave.” He said, his voice a mixture of hurt and authority.

“But…” Brett started, before getting cut off.

“NOW!” Casey yelled.

_______________________

Retreating, Brett moved quickly to the locker room instead of trying to find Grainger. Once she was inside, she made her way to a stall and closed the door behind her. Taking deep breaths, she was doing everything she could not to cry, knowing without a doubt how much she had just hurt Matt. Closing her eyes to push down the tears that were building, all she saw was the hurt and just…emptiness of his eyes when he told her to leave.

For a moment, she thought about going back to apologize to Casey, but she knew he wouldn’t want to see her. After he broke her heart the night they kissed, she didn’t want to be near him for days. And what was worse was Casey hurt her by being honest, when she just…hurt him. Closing the lid to the toilet, she sat down on it before pulling her legs up to her body, trying to calm her emotions.

After a few minutes, she knew what she was doing wasn’t working. Knowing what she needed, she ran out of the locker room through the hallway farthest away from Casey’s. When she got to the apparatus floor, she peaked around the corner to see if Greg was there. When she didn’t see him, but did see Kidd, she went and grabbed her friend, pulling her in the turnout room.

“What in the world.” Kidd said surprised.

“Kidd, I REALLY screwed up.” Sylvie said, her emotions pushing their way back up.

Seeing how upset her friend was, Kidd pulled Brett into a hug. “Come on, it will okay. Tell me what’s going on.”

There, in the dimly lit room, Sylvie told her everything. And when she was done, Kidd looked at her friend and lied, knowing it was the best and easiest thing to do at that moment.

“I am sure what you said didn’t hurt Casey’s feelings.” Kidd said while forcing a hopeful smile.

Brett wiped the tears from her cheeks. “I hope you are right Kidd. Because I have never seen Matt look like that, nor have I ever heard him talk to ANYONE in that tone, let alone me.”

Hugging Brett again, Kidd knew that only one person could get the truth out of Casey and what he was feeling, and that would be Severide.

__________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used the confrontation between Casey and Grainger from the 9x08 promo, and used that as the basis for this chapter.


	3. Remnants of the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Casey let's his thoughts overwhelm him, Brett tries to figure out what to say to him next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Chapter 3! As I mentioned to some of you before, this fic is darker than all my others, and that darkness begins to creep in during this chapter. As always, thanks for all of your reading along, commenting and send kudos. I hope you are liking the story.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Sitting in his office chair, Matt tried in vain to stop his hands from shaking. What Sylvie had said to him had cut him to the bone. It was something he had heard too many times in his life, and this time he had heard it from the one person he NEVER expected it from.

All through his life, other people had looked down on him with a mixture of pity and disdain over his family situation. His mother had told him more times than he could count that he was, and would be, exactly the man his father was. He had other people ask him what kind of person would give his keys to his mother so she could kill his father.

For years, he had done his best to push all those words and self-doubt down into some part of his heart that he never had to look at. And, after all these years, it had taken Sylvie 2 seconds to dreg all of his past insecurities and failures back up to surface. Looking at the small mirror on his desk, he found the reflection staring back at him was his Dad. The same man who drank too much, beat his Mom, his sister and him, and had probably cheated on his Mom every chance he got. In the next moment, he saw his Mom in the mirror, displaying the evil that she had in her heart that allowed her to kill her husband.

Without even realizing what he was doing, Casey pulled back his bleeding knuckles from the shattered mirror.

_Fuck!_ Casey yelled inside. _Sylvie is right. How could ANYONE, let alone someone as good as she is, ever be my friend, let alone love me?_

____________________

Out on the apparatus floor, Grainger had seen Brett come and grab Kidd before pulling her into the small room. He knew there was more to Casey and Brett than just co-workers or friends, that much was evidenced by the glances he caught the two of them sharing. Knowing that was a conversation for another time, he moved back into the common room, hoping lunch was ready.

_At least that way I can focus on something other than Sylvie right now._

___________________

In his quarters, Severide had heard Brett practically screaming at Casey, but her words were muffled through the walls, so he didn’t know exactly what she said. All he knew was that ANYTIME Brett was upset at Casey, the Captain’s mood would be terrible until the two of them started talking again. He was about to head over to talk to Casey when he saw his friend stand up and move out of his office and towards Boden’s.

_Maybe the best person for him to talk to right now is Boden,_ Severide thought.

_________________

Casey walked quickly to the Chief’s office, hoping no one would see him. When he got there, Boden’s door was already open.

“Uh Chief,” Casey said, holding up his bloody hand. “Permission to leave and go to Med to have this checked out?”

Standing up, Boden knew exactly what was going on. He kept telling his people that he heard and saw everything in his firehouse, but none of them believed him. He knew beyond a doubt that there was something more between Casey and Brett than just friendship. Couple that with the presence of Grainger, who he knew Brett went on a date with, and he could begin to see the source of the unrest in his house.

“You sure you don’t want Mackay to take a look at it?” Boden asked, knowing he wouldn’t want Brett to.

Casey only shook his head before Boden nodded. “Okay Casey. Head to Med and have that hand x-rayed. Why don’t you just take the rest of the shift off. Don’t even worry about coming back.”

For the first time in his years of knowing Matt Casey, the Captain agreed to take the rest of the shift off. Sensing there was something else going on, Boden thought about pressing the younger man, but instead let it go.

“Get out of here Casey. Let me know what they say.”

With that said, Casey turned around and headed to the locker room to grab his bag.

___________________

Brett was sitting in the driver’s seat of her vehicle, trying to figure out what to say to Matt. She knew she needed to apologize, but she wanted to make sure she didn’t screw up again and say something that only hurt him more. Every time she closed her eyes, all she saw was the emptiness in Matt’s eyes. She wasn’t sure exactly why what she said hurt him that much, but she knew she needed to find out. She never wanted to see Matt like that again, so she got out of her vehicle and made her way slowly toward the common room to see Matt, praying that Greg was somewhere else.

When she pushed open the doors, she moved quickly and tried to NOT turn her head and look for Grainger. Unfortunately, he was standing right in front of her in the kitchen, but for some reason he turned around when she got closer to him.

_Fudge, now I have got Greg mad at me too._

Willing her body to move faster, she made it out of the common room and back to Casey’s office in less than 10 seconds. When she looked through the glass into his office, she could see he wasn’t there. She thought about going in and sitting down on his cot and waiting for him, but she only got as far as opening his door before she saw shards of broken mirror laying on his desk. Moving closer, she could also see the telltale crimson remnants of blood.

Turning on her heels, she moved over to Severide’s office, knocking on the door first. When Kidd opened it, she looked in and saw Kelly sitting on his chair. “Hey Severide, did you see where Matt went?”

“I saw him head to see Boden a little while ago.” Kelly answered.

Nodding once, Brett moved towards the Chief’s office, knowing that the longer she went without talking to Casey the worse it would be. When she stuck her head in Boden’s office, she found she didn’t even have to ask.

“Casey went to Med to get his hand checked out.” Boden said quickly, before leaning back in his chair. “I also told him to take the rest of the shift off. I thought it might be best in…well, in this situation.”

Sylvie thought about replying to the Chief, but rightly figured there was no answer to his statement. Nodding once, she walked a few steps outside of Boden’s office before pulling out her phone and texting Casey.

Sylvie: Hey, Boden said you are heading to Med to get your hand checked out. Please call me when you get a chance.

________________


	4. Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Casey leaves 51 with an injured hand, he decides to make some changes. Meanwhile, Brett is determined to find him and apologize.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Chapter 4! I hope you all are enjoying what is DEFINITELY a departure from most of our Brettsey fics. This chapter is going to really show Matt at the beginning of the journey he is going to take.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Casey has just pulled up to the loft, an old t-shirt out of his locker wrapped around his hand to control the bleeding. He hated lying to Boden, but he just needed to be out of 51. He wasn’t sure he could look at Sylvie or any of the rest of 51 knowing they probably all thought of him the same way she did.

Moving quickly into Severide’s apartment, he found the first aid kit and took it to the bathroom. After a few minutes, he had his hand bandaged enough to control the bleeding. Knowing it wasn’t broke, as he could still move his fingers, he looked around his relative empty bedroom. 

_Correction, SEVERIDE’S bedroom._

Sitting on the edge of his bed, he knew without a doubt, that his life was just as fucked up as his parent’s. Hell, he was 40 years old and living with his best friend and girlfriend. He figured now that Severide had only taken him in out of pity, and he decided without hesitation that he needed to stop letting people pity him.

Moving to his closet, he grabbed two of his CFD bags and started packing. Within 15 minutes he had completely packed up ALL of his belongings except the tools he kept in a rented storage building for his construction jobs. Shaking his head, he let the despair he knew was right under the surface rise to the top. When he felt the hopelessness settle in, he moved to the kitchen and left Severide a note, thanking him for letting him stay there. As an afterthought, he added that he wasn’t going to be his friend’s problem anymore.

With that done, he carried his bags to the hallway, locked the door, and slid his key back underneath the metal door before turning to head towards his truck.

________________

Sylvie and Kidd sat in the bunk room alone, not talking. Kidd knew that Brett was upset at what she said to Casey, but there was no way of fixing it until Casey called her. Knowing Brett was impatient, she made a suggestion.

“Why don’t you and Mackay go to Med and check on Casey. Give you a chance to talk to him in person.”

Letting that idea roll around in her thoughts, she agreed it sounded good. “Good thinking Kidd. Let me go grab Mackay and we will head that way.”

Moving through the common room, Sylvie found Mackay talking to Gallo and Ritter. Throwing her head towards the door, Mackay scrambled to her feet to follow her boss.

“Heading to Med to check on the Captain?” Gianna asked as they got to the apparatus floor.

Simply nodding, Brett knew she didn’t want to discuss anything beyond that. As Brett got in and started the engine, she prayed Matt would let her apologize and explain what she meant to say earlier.

_____________

Casey had just gotten to an extended stay hotel off of the main road about 15 minutes from the loft. Moving to the front desk, he didn’t even ask the cost, but simply threw his credit card on the front desk for the Clerk. After getting checked in, Casey went outside to park in a regular spot before grabbing both of his bags and heading up to his room on the 2nd floor. 

After putting the plastic card in the lock, Casey pushed open the door. What he saw was a small kitchen to his right, with a sitting room with a TV and desk in front of him. Moving through a small door, he found a king size bed with a dresser, another TV and the bathroom. Setting his bags down on the bed, Casey spent the next 10 minutes unpacking. When he was finished, he sat down on the bed, looking at his reflection in the mirror above the dresser.

_40 years old and I can unpack all of my belongings in 10 freaking minutes. God my life sucks._

Lowering his body down onto the bed, he closed his eyes. As he fell asleep, all he could hear was Sylvie’s words over and over again in his head. 

_She is absolutely right,_ he thought. _Sylvie could never love someone like me._

_________________

Sylvie and Mackay made good time in getting to Chicago Med. When she pulled up, she turned to Mackay. “You stay here. I will be right back as soon as I see Matt. If we get a call I will come running.”

After seeing Mackay nod, Brett climbed down from her ambulance and moved into the ER. Scanning the faces of the nurses for someone she knew, she spoke up when she saw April Sexton. 

“Hey April, can you tell what exam room Matt Casey is in?”

The confusion on Sexton’s face was evident. “I haven’t seen Casey come in. Let me check, hold on for a sec.”

As the nurse moved to the front station to look at the computer, Brett felt her hand move to her watch band, turning the black leather strap in her hand. When April came back, Brett was the one who was now confused.

“Brett, Casey isn’t here and he hasn’t come in today. Do you think he could have gone to Methodist instead?”

Shaking her head, Brett knew Casey would only come to Med. “No, but thanks April.” Sylvie said before heading back outside. As she did, she fired off another text to Matt.

Sylvie: Matt, I am sorry. PLEASE call me so we can talk.

______________

As Brett was walking out of the hospital, Kidd was back in Severide’s quarters. “Hey, what exactly did Brett say to Casey that got him so upset?” he asked his girlfriend.

“I’m not sure exactly. She said something about only getting half of a sentence out before she saw him get upset, and then he yelled at her to leave.”

Severide’s head flew around to face Kidd. “Wait, Casey YELLED at her to leave his quarters?”

“Yep.” Kidd replied. “Didn’t make sense to me either.”

Chewing on that bit of news, Severide knew there was more going on than he was aware of. He thought about texting Casey, but decided he needed to hear from Brett what she said to upset his friend before he talked to him. Lord knows, just Grainger being here would have been enough to upset Casey, but definitely not enough for him to yell at the PIC. Making a mental note to ask Brett when she got back, he turned his focus back on Kidd.

Even with that, there was a lingering thought, just out of his mind’s reach, about what would get Casey so upset that he would yell at the woman he knew his friend loved?

__________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been asked from some of you for more frequent updates. I am hoping to get ahead enough tonight and this weekend to start posting twice a day again.


	5. Surprise Trips and Just Plain Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Casey tries to figure out a way to move his life forward, Severide, Kidd and Brett find that they are just surprised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Chapter 5! I wanted to thank all of you who are reading along with my little story. I know it isn't for everyone, so I really appreciate you reading, commenting, and sending kudos.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Casey woke an hour later from a nap. He normally wasn’t one to take naps in the middle of the day, but he could already feel the stress of his thoughts and emotions weighing on him. Sitting there, Casey knew he needed to move his life forward, but he wasn’t sure how. He knew it would be alone, since it was clear that what Brett saw in him was exactly what everyone else saw in him too.

Moving over to his computer, he pulled up the CFD intranet page. Checking how much furlough time he had available, he knew he shouldn’t have been surprised to see the amount of time he had available to take off higher than it had ever been. Moving his mouse, he checked the appropriate boxes and got himself cleared for furlough for the next two weeks.

With that done, his thoughts drifted to the one person he knew had secretly always agreed with Brett. Pulling up the United Airlines website, he booked a round trip ticket for Puerto Rico that would leave the next morning at 4:30am. Somehow feeling worse than he did before, he headed out to grab some lunch and some groceries, knowing in his heart that the extended stay suite was going to be his home for a while.

_______________

All of 51 was eating lunch when Boden came out and lightly tapped Severide on his shoulder. Throwing his head back towards his office, Kelly got up to follow his Chief until they turned the corner towards his office.

“I just got notified Casey is taking furlough for the next two weeks of shift.” Boden said while placing his hands on his hips. “Any reason you know of why he requested this TODAY?”

_None of this is making sense,_ Severide thought. _Casey never took furlough unless he HAD to take it._

“I am not sure Chief. But I do know that he and Brett got into some kind of argument today, and whatever she said made him mad enough to yell at her.”

The surprise on Boden’s face was immediate. “He yelled at her? At Brett?”

“Yep Chief. I still don’t know what it was about. Do you want me to find out?”

“Please.” Boden answered. “But I want you to do it quietly. Copy?”

“Definitely Chief.”

________________

Right before lunch was over, all 3 vehicles got called out, a trend that would happen for most of the rest of shift, leaving Severide unable to talk to Brett. When the shift was over, while Severide took Kidd’s hand as they headed towards the car, he also stayed on the lookout for Brett. Of course, he found her being escorted out by Grainger. Knowing he needed answers, he yelled out to Brett.

“Hey Brett, you want to come back to the loft with us for a second?” He asked, hoping she would take the hint.

It only took Brett a moment to understand what Severide was doing. “Sure. Let me follow you over there.” She said, before turning to Grainger. “I’m sorry, let me run okay?”

Greg pursed his lips as Sylvie began to move away from him. “We still on for tonight?” he asked before she got too far away from him.

“Yeah.” Brett said, not sure if she would be in the mood or not if Casey yelled at her again. “I will text you later.”

With that done, Brett made her way to her car to follow Kidd and Severide back to their place.

_Please let Matt accept my apology,_ she prayed.

_____________

Casey had boarded his flight to go see Dawson in Puerto Rico. He had texted her last night he was coming, and asked her if she could meet him at the airport. He was a little disappointed that she was so happy to hear he was flying in to see her. As he adjusted his mask, he reached into his pocket and powered his phone down.

_No reason to kill my battery if I can help it._

Leaning back in his seat, he watched as the other passengers boarded the flight, everyone with their mandatory mask on. Closing his eyes, he tried to think of the words he knew he needed to say to Gabby when he saw her.

_____________

Twenty minutes later, all three of them were out of their cars and moving towards the elevator.

“Hey, what did you say to Casey that got him so upset?” Severide asked.

Shaking her head, Brett was only focused on Matt. “Let me apologize to him and then I will tell you.”

After taking the elevator and walking to the door, Severide unlocked. It. “He might be asleep, so I will go knock on his door.” Severide stated, before realizing he hadn’t noticed Casey’s truck in the parking lot.

As Brett played with her watch in the kitchen, Stella watched her friend. She knew that even though she was going out with Grainger, Brett’s heart still belonged to Casey. _Hopefully this little incident will allow them to FINALLY talk,_ Kidd thought.

Moving to the table, Kidd found a white piece of paper laying on the table. She had just picked it up and understood what it was when she looked up at Brett.

Brett had just turned to Kidd to ask her something when they heard Severide.

“Son of a bitch.” Severide said loudly, walking back to the ladies while he pulled out his phone. “Casey is gone….along with all of his stuff.”

“And he left you a note.” Stella added.

_______________

Severide had pulled out his phone and pulled up Casey’s last text, hitting the call icon by his name. As he listened to it ring, he looked over at Brett. He could already tell she was upset, knowing her words might have caused Casey to do whatever he was doing. Trying to focus on the phone call, he listened as Casey’s voicemail came on.

“Call me Case. As soon as you can.” Severide said before disconnecting the call. With that done, he sat down at the table, seeing both Brett and Kidd follow his lead. Trying to speak with as much sensitivity as he could muster at the time, he caught Brett’s stare.

“Okay Brett. Tell me exactly what you and Casey talked about and don’t leave anything out.”

___________________


	6. Confronting the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Brett, Kidd and Severide discuss why Matt would leave, Matt is on his own journey to confront his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Chapter 6! I hope you all are enjoying this MUCH darker fic than I normally write.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

“Fuck!” Severide exclaimed, louder and meaner than he meant to. Looking across the table, he saw Stella give him a mean look, so he tried to backtrack.

“I’m sorry Brett. I didn’t mean that towards you. I…I just know how Casey is about certain things and I can only imagine what he is thinking now.” Severide said softly, after listening to Brett tell him and Kidd what had happened between her and Casey.

Brett looked over at Severide, her emotions already getting the better of her. “What do you mean when you say what “certain things” do to him?” she asked.

Lacing his hands together, Severide looked at the table top instead of at his friend. “I know you are aware of what happened with his parents, right?”

Nodding, Sylvie had no idea what his parents had to do with any of this.

“Well,” Kelly continued. “Ever since he was small, everyone always looked at him like he was going to turn out like his dad and be abusive, or worse, end up like his mom and go off the rails and kill someone. He heard it all through foster care, and that’s why he was in a group home for so long. No foster family wanted to take him in for fear he would be like his parents. It continued up to him joining the Academy, and it only stopped when me and Andy threatened anyone who said it again. After that, it settled down again until he ran for Alderman.”

Across the table, Brett turned to look at Kidd. “Oh God…you don’t think that is what he thought I meant when I said _a man like him_ do you?”

Sylvie’s question was answered with silence, until Kelly finally broke it. “I don’t know Brett, but probably. Whenever this has happened in the past…the talk about him being like his parents, he normally would go down this rabbit hole of….well, almost like self-doubt. Andy used to be really good at getting him out of his head, but the last time it happened it took him a couple of months before he came around. Casey believing you meant that is the only reason I can think of as to why he would move out, tell me he didn’t want to be a burden, and ask for 2 weeks of furlough off.”

“Wait,” Kidd jumped in. “Casey asked for the next two weeks off? He never takes furlough unless they make him?”

Sighing, Severide knew he wasn’t supposed to tell anyone that. “You two CAN NOT tell anyone about the furlough. Chief doesn’t want anyone to know. I think he is hoping either me or Brett can talk him out of it, but that requires him actually calling us back before we can.”

“The last time this happened,” Brett said curiously, “how long did it take Matt to talk to you about what he was thinking?”

Leaning back in his chair, Kelly blew all the air out of his lungs. “Well…he didn’t talk to me for a month. Came to work like usual, ran calls like usual, but after that shut himself off in his quarters. He has always had this…I don’t what you would call it exactly. Maybe fear…that all of us at 51 are secretly just waiting for him to turn violent with them or someone at a call. On top of that, even after all this time, I still don’t think Casey believes we all care about him as much as we do.”

Letting her head fall to her hands, Sylvie knew this was her fault, but she also knew she had no idea of how to fix it.

_How can I apologize to Matt and tell him that I DON’T remotely think of him that way if he won’t call me back?_

_______________________

Casey was doing his best to stretch his legs in what little room he had between seats, knowing that modern air travel was not the easiest for anyone, but even his 5’10” frame was cramping up on him. Glancing up, he saw that it looked like they had only 60 minutes left to go before they landed, so he stood up to stretch, deciding to use the rest room while he was at it.

_Maybe a few minutes out of my seat will help,_ he thought.

As he returned and sat back down, he buckled his seat belt in his lap again. Closing his eyes, he tried once more to figure out what he was going to say to Gabby, knowing that none of the other times he had thought about it yet had yielded anything.

First, he knew he had to be honest with her. He had loved her once, and probably a piece of him always would. But as for loving her now, he knew he couldn’t say that. Because for once, he would readily admit to himself that he was in love with Sylvie Brett. Cursing under his breath, he let his mind drift to his next problem.

_How am I going to get over being in love with Sylvie, which I know I have to?_

Opening his eyes, he knew it was harder than that. _Especially when she thinks I am just like my Dad._

Rubbing his forehead, he could feel the beginnings of a headache coming on. Understanding that he would just have to deal with it, he let his mind drift back to Sylvie.

_________________

70 minutes later, Casey was walking off the plane with the only bag he had brought over his shoulder. Moving as fast as he could through the surprising number of people in the airport considering there was still a pandemic going, he bypassed luggage claim and made his way out of the terminal. Standing there for a moment, he let his body adjust to the heat, which was far different than the cold he had left in Chicago.

He was about to pull out his phone when he heard someone call his name.

“Matt!” Gabby yelled as she ran over to him.

Letting himself smile, he watched as his ex-wife ran over to him, letting himself hug her when she got to him.

“How are you doing Gabby?” he asked.

Taking him in, Dawson responded. “I am good. Surprised to get your call yesterday, but happy you are here. Come on, let’s head to my car.”

As Dawson began to move, happy to finally get Casey to join her, Casey didn’t. Turning back towards him, he could see she was a bit perplexed.

“I am sorry Gabby, but I am not going with you. I just wanted to talk to you, in person, before I flew back.”

Not understanding, she looked up at the man she still loved. “Well, okay. When does your flight home leave?”

“In two hours.” Casey said, before taking her hand and leading her over to a bench on the sidewalk. “I have some things I need to say to you, and then I will be out of your life for good.”

___________________


	7. Hearing Exactly What He Was Supposed to Hear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Casey talks to Dawson, back in Chicago, the people that care about him grow more worried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Chapter 7! Thanks to all of you who are reading along, sending kudos and comments. They are much appreciated! This chapter features the conversation between Casey and Dawson some of you have been waiting for.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Getting up to head back to her apartment, Brett promised Severide and Kidd she would let them know immediately if Casey returned her call or texts. As she moved to the door, she saw something shiny on the floor. Bending over to pick it up, she saw it was a key. Turning back to her friends, she held it up.

“Did one of you drop this?” She asked.

Moving over, Severide took the key from her, inspecting it. “Nope. This is Casey’s key.”

Letting her despair grow even more, Brett just shrugged and headed toward her car. When she got there, she remembered she was supposed to text Greg about dinner tonight. Grabbing her phone out of her purse, she knew she didn’t have it in her to go to dinner with him. He was nice, that was for sure, and definitely good looking, but was it fair to go out with him when all she was going to do was worry about Matt?

Deciding it wasn’t, she texted him and asked him if he just wanted to meet her for a drink instead. That way, she could still be polite, but also be back home within an hour.

_________________

In Puerto Rico, Casey and Dawson were sitting on a bench, staring at the people and traffic that were moving in front of them. “I appreciate you meeting me Gabby.” Casey started. “I know that, for a long time, you always wished I would come to Puerto Rico with you, but the airport is as far as I am going to get.”

Pushing her hair out of her face, Dawson turned to look at Casey directly, her black sunglasses masking her eyes. “Tell me whatever you couldn’t say over the phone.”

His expression softening, Casey looked at his second love. “Gabby, I want you to know that I loved you when we were together…and I guess a part of me always will. But, I know now that I am not a good man for anyone to be with, so I came to tell you goodbye.”

Taking in Casey’s words, Dawson let her gaze fall back to the ground. “Is there someone else?” she asked.

Shaking his head, Casey wasn’t sure how he could have been any clearer than he just was. “No Gabby, there isn’t anyone else. I had hoped there would be, but they made sure to let me know just what they thought of me. I just….I just needed to end things once and for all with you so I could move on with my life, understanding that I won’t have anyone to share it with.”

Dawson nodded her head, seeming to understand. “Well Matt, I am not going to lie and say that I didn’t think one day you would end up alone. I think it’s just who you are. I always thought you were too controlling over what I did, and I am sure Hallie probably thought the same thing. Probably just who you were meant to grow up to be.”

Understanding that was exactly what he came here to hear, he stood back up. “Good luck Gabby. I hope you have an amazing life and get everything you want out of it.”

Standing up as well, Dawson crossed her arms, her anger at her history with Casey starting to grow. “Thanks Matt. And I hope you end up alone and miserable.” With that, she turned on her heels and stormed off.

Picking up his bag, Casey turned to head back in the airport, knowing that everything Dawson had just said to him was true.

_________________

Back in Chicago, Severide texted Boden an update on what they had figured out about Matt so far. They discussed who else might know where Casey was, but outside of the two of them and Brett, they came up empty. Severide was about to let it go when he remembered Casey’s sister.

Severide: Hey Chief, let me reach out to Christie, Matt’s sister. Maybe he called her?

Boden: Sounds like a plan. Let me know what you find out. I am beginning to get worried.

Reading the last sentence from the Chief, Severide knew his boss’s thoughts were where his were. Whenever Casey got this way, he tended to start making reckless decisions on calls, like sliding into an elevator or having the two of them jump off a roof into the river.

Scrolling through his phone, he found Christie’s name and number, hoping that her number hadn’t changed since he got it a good 6 or 7 years. When he got her voicemail, he at least knew the number was good, so he simply left a message asking her to call him.

________________

Back at the airport, Casey had just finished a beer at a bar and headed to the bathroom before his flight started boarding. After relieving himself, he went to the sink to wash his hands. As he was drying them, he took in his reflection in the mirror. Giving himself an honest assessment, he knew he was nothing special. If he was being honest, Grainger was much better looking than he was, and so it only made sense that Sylvie would choose to go out with Greg instead of giving him another chance. Couple that with what she thought of him as a man, and he knew the one woman he loved more than any other in his life had made the right decision in choosing someone else.

Moving out of the bathroom, he looked up at his gate, seeing the flight had been delayed. Sighing, he moved back to the bar to get another bear. He had just grabbed a seat when an American couple sat down beside him.

“You flying back to the US?” the man said, obviously trying to pass the time.

Casey nodded once as he took a sip from his new beer. “Chicago. You all?”

“Indianapolis.” The woman replied. “First to Chicago and then a connection home.”

Seeing their tans and the wedding rings they both had on, Casey ventured a guess. “Honeymoon or just a vacation?” he asked.

The man smiled widely at his female companion before answering. “Honeymoon. We spent a week in Jamaica and then a week in Puerto Rico.”

“Congratulations.” Casey said, forcing himself to sound happy for the two of you. “Which place do you prefer?”

“Jamaica by a landslide.” The woman answered. “Have you ever been?”

Shaking his head, it dawned on Casey he had never really been anywhere in the world. He was about to answer when the woman spoke again.

“Well then, when you get to Chicago you need to grab your significant other and book a week there immediately. It is so refreshing to get out of the snowy Midwest and relax in paradise.”

Hearing the gate attendant announce their plane was there, Casey stood up and threw $20 bill on the counter. “Your drinks are on me…and thanks for the suggestion.”

As Casey walked back to his gate, he let his mind drift to a week on a Caribbean Island, where no one knew him or his family history.

_Maybe that is just what I need,_ he thought, before realizing something else.

_Too bad I never got the chance to go with Sylvie._

________________


End file.
